


Ten Letters to Ron

by AzureAlquimista



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Epistolary, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:27:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27548323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzureAlquimista/pseuds/AzureAlquimista
Summary: Ron Weasley has left them in the tent. How will Hermione cope with his absence?Ten letters written while Ron was away, from the first day, to the day he came back.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	Ten Letters to Ron

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is inspired in some epistolary fics I read lately (the last was, mmm... "Dear Ron"? A good fic). So if (when) you find some similarities, all the credit is theirs, not mine.
> 
> The fic takes place in the infamous tent, plus a short epilogue. I think if you are going to retell a canon story, you can't change the facts, but you can add something new to make it more interesting.
> 
> This is a second, highly improved, version (The first one was really atrocious). It exists thanks to the great effort of x Hemlock x and Sparda Aireth, who helped me to correct the many mistakes I did in the first drafting.
> 
> Oh! Almost forgot!... I'm not JKR. I don't know her. I don't even like her that much right now. Honestly!

"I got a million things to say to someone like you."  
Welcome home.  
Bendy and the Ink Machine.

(...)

Ron,

It's been... three days already? And I still can't believe that you left us. Well... Yes, I can. I was there. But I can't understand how you could have left me, left us. I called you. Why didn't you stop? I'm sure that you heard me. Do I mean so little to you that I can be so easily ignored?

It's so strange! Every five minutes I expect you to enter the tent complaining about the cold, or whinging about the lack of food... until I remember that you left. It's an awful feeling to know you will never whinge about the food again. At least not at me.

Thinking about it. Why are we hungry? It made no sense. We can use an Accio, get a hundred ants, and with a bit of basic transfiguration, get a hundred fish, or whatever we want. You know how good I am with the Gemino spell. A can of food? Ten spells later, we get a thousand (1024 cans. To be precise). We could even do some -Accio salmon- as we saw the same night you left.

Yes, I know what you would say (probably not). What about the five Exceptions of Gamp's Law? Well, they say it's impossible to make food out of nothing (Note the -of nothing-). You can replicate, or transfigure it. So why are we hungry? Perhaps it's the locket's influence, or maybe...

Sorry. Suddenly I had the most horrible migraine. What was I writing about? no matter.

You have no idea how much I hate you. Every time I remember how you left me (and Harry), how could you be so cowardly, so selfish, so weak, so idiotic... I could murder you with my bare hands!

Better stop writing. I don't really want to think about you.

Your future murderer,

Hermione.

(...)

Ron,

I really tried not to, but here I am, writing again. Why do I write letters I will never send? Because thanks to your stupidity, I have no one to talk to. As you left (like the big coward you are), I only have an old feather and a bit of parchment to vent my problems and frustrations, which are mostly related to you. Big oaf.

Why not Harry, you ask? As if he doesn't already have too much on his plate. He has to face Voldemort. He has to destroy those horrid "things" (better to not name them). And now, he has to deal with the betrayal of his former best friend, too!

Where are you? Harry has looked, and you aren't in Hogwarts. Are you in the Burrow? I'm sure Molly will cook all your favourite dishes. No more mushrooms for you, ever again (I hope you get as fat as a pig!).

Although I can't really see you going back to the Burrow alone. Ginny would murder you on the spot. But then, where are you? The Order never would let you in.

Have you been stupid enough to let yourself get caught? Maybe they suspect you were helping (sabotaging) Harry? But then, we would know it. It would be front-page news... or maybe not. Maybe they wouldn't think you are important enough?

Wonderful! Now I'm worried about you too. I REALLY hate you.

Hermione.

(...)

Ron,

Harry is getting better. He behaves almost normally (At least when he isn't carrying the locket). I'm NOT sorry to tell you that we are both already getting over you.

Usually, we spend the day trying to determine the location of the sword (still with no luck, but we are almost there. I can feel it), in the evenings we bring out Phineas Nigellus's portrait. He is not a very good company, but we get some information.

Ginny (and Neville and Luna) have been doing her best to continue Dumbledore's Army. She is bravely fighting the Death Eaters' regime at Hogwarts.

Where are you? What are you doing? I had a horrible nightmare about you tonight. It was really horrible and depressing. I don't want to think about it.

Everyone is doing their best. What are you doing, coward?

Hermione.

(...)

Dear Ron,

Lately, we have been camping in the most awful, depressive and wretched places. Or maybe they only seem that way because our best friend betrayed us and made us totally miserable.

I think this horrid weather is affecting Harry... and maybe me, a bit too. It snowed a lot last night. It reminded me of Hogwarts. With all this snow, the fields must be beautiful.

What will Ginny be doing? Maybe some snowball fight? You would like that. I'm sure you would be the first to open fire... if you were there

What would we be doing if this had been a normal year? (If Dumbledore were still alive. If the M.o.M. hadn't fallen. If... so many things!) I would be Head Girl, obviously! Would you be Head Boy? Maybe. I probably would have said something about not believing you could be Head Boy, or something equally stupid. We'd have had a big row, and been on non-speaking terms for a few days. Just like good old times!

How I miss Hogwarts! Most of my best memories are there, and most of them are about you, and Harry. I don't want to think about how my life could have been if I hadn't met you both. Sad, boring, and very lonely, probably (Not that I'm enjoying myself lately).

Don't think I'm not still furious at you for betraying us. The snow makes me nostalgic, and I just forgot myself for a moment. It won't happen again.

All my worst,

Hermione.

(...)

Ron,

WE DON'T NEED YOU! Yes. You heard it well. We. Don't. Need. You... Why, you ask? Because we have solved where the sword is! Finally!

It seems that we just needed to get some rest to solve the mystery.

I went to a Muggle supermarket under the Invisibility Cloak and bought enough food for a wonderful meal (why didn't I do this before?). Then Harry decided we could use a break from wearing the locket (again, why didn't he do this before?). Some hours later we were happier than we had been in weeks. We were talking about Grindelwald's mark, when Harry had the most wonderful idea: The sword is in Godric's Hollow!... Well, maybe it was my idea, Harry only mentioned the place.

It's perfect. Godric's Hollow is where Gryffindor was born, where Harry's parents' graves are, where Voldemort was defeated, and where Bathilda Bagshot lives. The sword is there. Very probably Dumbledore gave it to Bathilda. We solved the mystery without you!

Of course, it will be dangerous, but nothing we can't manage. Even more so now that we don't have you to hinder us.

We've already forgotten you. Very soon you will be only an old, distant and hateful memory. Only a memory.

Goodbye forever, Ron.

Hermione.

(...)

Ronald Bilius Weasley,

Yes. I can hear you laughing at us. You think this is so funny, don't you? I don't even have the words to express how very angry I am right now, at you, at Harry, at me, at everyone and everything.

We went to Godric's Hollow, and it was worse than I could have ever imagined. It was a TOTAL DISASTER. We were nearly eaten by Bathilda Bagshot, who was really Nagini, who called Voldemort, who almost killed us all, and... and I don't know what I'm writing anymore.

I'm so disheartened, so exhausted. I'm going to bed to have a good cry.

Hermione.

(...)

Dear Ron,

I'm sorry my last letter was... wasn't very good. I wasn't in my best state of mind. Okay. Maybe I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Now, that I've had some days to rest, recover, and process our "experience", I realise that I nearly died. It wasn't some stupid adventure. We faced Voldemort, and I almost died. Really died, as in the end of my life, of all things.

I knew this mission with Harry was going to be dangerous, but it was... I don't know... on a non-real, theoretical level? I knew, but I never FELT how real the danger really was. Until now.

People are dying. PEOPLE ARE DYING EVERY DAY. I knew it, but I didn't really understand it. It's a war. Anyone can die at any time. We, you, the order's members, your family. Your big family! Now, I can understand your worry about them. We were so stupid! So incredibly idiotic! It only takes a second, and you cease to exist. As simple as that!

I saw Voldemort. The monster. No matter that we must destroy those "things". HOW the hell are we going to defeat him!? And Harry has faced this monster many times, and survived!? How? I can't understand it. I really can't!

Talking about Harry. He is so angry! He has read some things about Dumbledore's past. I don't think we can trust this book (don't laugh, Ron!), but Harry seems to believe it, and no matter what I do, or say, I only make it worse.

You always knew what to say to him to make it better. I really wish you were here... but you aren't. I miss you. Yes. I said it: I miss you. Happy? I know I will very probably die without ever seeing you again, and it's eating me up inside. So many missed opportunities.

I don't know how long we can go on like this, just Harry and I. We don't fit, we can't relate to each other. I think without you, we never could have been friends. Remember the fourth year, when you were so hacked off at Harry? He often came to the library with me, but he was so bored! As was I. Without you, we were barely functional. We still aren't.

I miss you so much.

Hermione.

(...)

Dear Ron,

We moved the tent today. Don't roll your eyes. Yes, Ron. Again. I heard somebody moving in the woods, so we had to. Better to not take chances.

Do you want to hear something funny? For a second I thought, in some miraculous way, you had found us, and the next second I panicked because I realised it was a thousand times more probable that it was a Death Eater than you.

The moment we moved the tent, we cut all ties with you. No going back. In some ways, I think we left you, more than you left us. Yes. I know you are confused, but think about it. When you left, you knew you could be back. When we left, we knew you never would be able to come back. Who really left who?

You remember the nightmare I told you in one of my first letters? Yes, the one I didn't want to talk about. I had it again. Tonight was the... sixth time? I'm not sure. Well, here is it:

It's night. A really cold night. I can see my breath. I'm walking between trees. I don't know where I am.

Suddenly I see a clearing—The same one where you left. You are sitting on a rock near the fire, as if you were still guarding the tent... but there is no tent, no fire, only cold and darkness.

It seems like you are watching the stars, but all your hair is frozen and white, your shoulders are covered by snow, and you don't move. I kneel in front of you, and I see your face covered with small ice crystals. You are totally frozen, like an ice statue. You died a long time ago.

Then your eyes move. You are still dead, but you are looking at me, and I can feel all your hate, and your rage. Your voice roars in my head: "Why didn't you come? I waited for you. I died waiting for you, but you never came! WHY DID YOU NEVER COME?".

I awoke crying. And do you know what the worst part is? I don't know if you're really there. Did you come back and die waiting for me? Are you still there, waiting for me?

Maybe you were more hurt than we realised? I know to close a wound without cleaning, nor healing it, can be the worst thing to do, but you were bleeding out so fast! Maybe you tried to come back to us? Are you there, in the woods, alone and dead, still waiting for us? It would be so horrible! I really don't think I could continue living if you died waiting for me.

Every time I have this nightmare I ask myself the same thing: Why didn't we wait for you? We left the next morning. Why so fast? We didn't wait a single day. We didn't move to a nearby place where we could still observe the clearing. We didn't leave some message for you either. Nothing. If you tried to come back, you would think that we couldn't make it more obvious that we didn't want you here.

It's like a bad joke! We moved the tent so fast, but actually, we never had to move the tent at all! Yes. If we see something strange, we pack and leave. Obviously! But if nothing happens, why move? We know Apparition can't be traced or tracked. (If it could, we wouldn't have been able to survive Voldemort's attack), so moving the tent only put us in danger as we are out of our protection spells for some time.

Oh! I almost forgot! Not only did we almost get ourselves killed in Godric's Hollow, but we lost Harry's wand. Actually, I think I snapped his wand. Now we have lost Voldemort's twin wand, the only one that could stop him, and we only have one wand left to defend ourselves with. Wonderful, it isn't? This is the main reason we are so afraid, and move the tent so many times.

It seems the moment you left, everything began to fall to pieces. I don't know why, but I feel without you, we aren't going to make it. I think I've already said it, but without you, we can't function. Not properly.

I don't know where are you, but wherever you are, I hope you are healthy, and well cared for.

Please, be safe.

Hermione.

(...)

Dear Ron,

Harry's out on watch, so I'm alone in the tent, writing to you.

Everything feels so hopeless! We're not making any progress. I don't know where to go, what to do, or even what to research. Nothing makes sense anymore. I suppose, finally, I can understand how you felt... No. I'm lying. I have no family on the front lines, nor half my arm chopped off, so I can't understand it. Not totally.

I think we aren't going to survive much more. Sooner or later we'll be captured, tortured, and killed (I try not to think about how). It has always been win-or-die for us, and it seems it's going to be die.

What about you, Ron? We never had a choice, but you have. You always could step aside and be safe no matter who won the war (Although you never did). Harry and I always fought for our own lives. You fought for Harry's and mine.

Even now, you could kneel down before Voldemort and be forgiven. Yes. I can hear you. "That's a load of bollocks! As if I would do something like that! I will fight until the end. As a proud Weasley. As Gideon and Fabian did!" You are way too brave for your own good.

Better stop this kind of dismal thoughts. They don't help.

Last night I dreamed again, but this time was about the row (Yes. My mind seems to enjoy torturing me). It was more of a memory than a dream.

We are in the tent, and Harry is belittling, insulting, and making fun of you. He orders you to leave us: "So why are you still here?". And again: "Go home then!". And again: "Then GO!". And again: "Go back to them!".

And I know it will end with you leaving us, so I try to... I don't know, to do something!... but I can't move! I try, but I can't! Then I hear Harry say "Leave the Horcrux!". You look at me. "What are you doing?". All things stop, as if waiting for my answer, and I feel something inside me breaking into a thousand pieces.

Before I really realise what I'm doing, I put a Full Body-Bind Curse on both of you (You know I could) and say something like: "Harry! Ron is afraid for his family, and he is wounded and constantly in pain, but he is still carrying the locket, as you so stupidly wanted. So stop making fun of him, and SHUT UP!"

"And Ron, you have all the reasons to be angry, but what can we do? This row is solving absolutely nothing!". You both look so frightened and surprised!

When I woke up I was so happy! Until I realised the dream had ended, but the nightmare hadn't. I almost threw up. Honestly, I think my mind is trying to sabotage me. But truthfully, I could have stopped the row. So, why didn't I?

I've replayed the row in my mind a thousand times these last few days. Why did Harry abuse you so viciously, and why did I let him do it? Until now, I never thought about it. Maybe I wasn't ready to face it. But nothing better to open your mind than to know you are going to die.

So, truthfully, and honestly. Why did I let Harry harass you?

I saw how Harry threw you out of the tent. He had to order you to leave FIVE times until you finally realised we didn't want you there, but he managed to do it.

It wasn't easy or fast. It was slow, cruel and heartbreaking.

Why did I do absolutely nothing? Because I had to show Harry how loyal I was. I needed him to forgive me for criticizing him behind his back. "D'you think I haven't noticed the two of you whispering behind my back?" His words cut me like knives.

You know how I always need to be... perfect, I suppose. I couldn't stand that Harry thought I had betrayed him. Letting Harry humiliate you was the perfect way to gain his trust again.

I had to take no sides, but I did. I had to stop the row, but I didn't. Pathetic, isn't it?

Honestly, I never thought the row would end the way it did. No. This isn't correct. I just didn't think. Point. I was too busy saving my own face to think about anything else.

The other question: Why was Harry so vicious?

The short answer? Nothing hurts more than the truth.

The long answer? In some ways, your presence made us feel selfish, and guilty, and this is not a good thing with people as arrogant as Harry, and me.

I can tell you must be confused (again) right now, so I will say it in a totally crude way:

We felt selfish and guilty because every day in the tent was one more day of life, and one more day we wouldn't be murdered by Voldemort. We were safe, healthy, and our families weren't in any danger, so we had no hurry to face Voldemort.

For you, every day in the tent was one day more of pain and suffering, without any medical care, nor even painkillers, and one less day till the sure murder of your family.

Yes, I read some books about the first war. More than half of the Order was wiped out. Whole families disappeared. So now, with all the Weasleys in the front lines, and with the MoM, and Hogwarts, in Voldemort's hands. How many days left before the Weasleys start dying?

You desperately needed to end the war as fast as possible, but we didn't feel this hurry to face our deaths. And we felt selfish, guilty, and ashamed for it, and we, in some strange and selfish way, resented you for making us felt this way.

So when you confronted Harry about all these things, he couldn't face it and lashed out at you in the most hurtful way possible. Truth hurts the most.

The only problem? We felt even worse after you left.

Don't even think you're not guilty of leaving us. You NEVER had to do it. I still hate you so much for it.

Ok. I don't hate you. I miss you. Darn! I had enough of this stupid denial game. I not only miss you. I like you. A lot!

Only now I realise how much I took you for granted, and how little appreciation I showed you. Maybe if I hadn't treated you as the teaspoon idiot, and had shown you some appreciation, things could have been a lot different.

I lo.. like you. Merlin helps me, but I do, and I miss you so much! There was something special between us. Something I never appreciated the way I should have. Now, I do. I have so many regrets! I'd give anything to see you again.

Gods! Harry is returning from his watch. I have spent 4 hours thinking and writing this? I guess tonight I will not sleep. But who cares? When your hours are numbered, wasting them on sleep is a luxury you can't afford.

Love,

Hermione.

(...)

Dear Ron,

As you know, I made a fool of myself. When I saw you in the tent's opening, I couldn't believe it. Was I having another of my sadistic dreams? How could you be there? How could you find us?

After all these weeks of hurt and misery, I had my wish: You are back!... And what do I do? I try to punch you! How ridiculous can I be?

I must say in my defence, you were absolutely, totally, and utterly infuriating! A few weeks! You were away for only a few weeks, and when you come back you are so tall, so handsome, so confident... and so yummy! (Yes. You heard me right: Yummy! Deal with it.)

And then, you entered the tent and had the incredible nerve to smile to me, and I practically soaked my knickers! (I don't expect you can understand how totally disgusting, unacceptable, and utterly wrong this is.)

How dare you change so much (and so well) in a few weeks! How dare you do it when you weren't with me! And how dare you affect me so much! You are so supremely, utterly, and awfully infuriating!

Then you told us how the deluminator led you back to me. Not us. ME: Hermione. And I knew what you were really saying. And Harry knew too. And, obviously, you knew it too. And you didn't blush. Not even a little shade!

You suddenly decided it was the time for being an adult, mature, and romantic, and I only felt totally inadequate, insecure, immature, and a lot of other depressing things that start with -in-.

Yes, I had a "not a very mature" reaction, but we already stated I'm childish and immature. You'll have to live with it. And honestly! What could I do? It was either snog you rotten right there (Harry be dammed), or kill you with my bare hands.

But enough of all this teenage drama. Let's get serious. Don't think, even for a moment, that I didn't notice that you both are hiding something from me.

I'm sure the locket did something to you. But, why you? It was the only time, never before?

For the first time, I let myself think about the locket. Seriously think. These things have minds: Voldemort's mind, to be exact. They talk, think, and plot. So, what was Voldemort's -Master plan-? To make us grumpy? And... that's all? Ridiculous.

The logical answer? He was trying to possess one of us, as did the diary. The question is: Who?

Harry? No. Voldemort wants to kill Harry himself, not to possess him.

Me? A Mudblood? No way! At least not if any other was available.

You, Ron? A pureblood, and already weakened thanks to my stupid apparition? Yes. You were the perfect target.

But if only you were the target, why did we all feel so moody and depressed? Again, the logical answer: It was a smokescreen. If we all were affected, the possession wouldn't be so evident.

And once you had been possessed, you... No. not you... The locket would have given Harry to Voldemort.

And me? With luck, a quick death.

We have been so stupid, so careless! We always thought we were the ones controlling it, and all the time the locket has been playing its own game.

But it didn't win it, we did. You destroyed it, and we are together again! I feel so happy! The only problem? What do I do with you, now that you are back? To slap, or to shag? Or maybe one thing after the other?

Don't look so surprised. After these weeks of solitude, and after seeing you again, I know this thing is a lot more than a stupid crush, or a childish liking. This is -it-. The real thing: Deep, adult, real love. And yes. I know it won't be a fairy tale, but a real relationship. So we will have both. I'm counting on it.

But right now, what do I do?

One part of me wants to climb to your bed and show you how much I missed you. The other part wants to never forgive you for hurting me so much.

One part of me is totally insecure, but hopeful, now that you are so adult, confident, and incredibly alluring. The other part feels resented and left behind because you have matured so much without waiting for me.

I remember what you said in the fourth year "One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode!", and I can't avoid laughing! Oh, My God! I love you so much... but I'm not ready for you, yet. I will be, but not now.

I feel like I'm cheating because I know that, no matter how long I make you wait, you will not give up on me, and I'm taking advantage of it. But honestly, right now I need time to heal, to grow up, to be prepared for you. So I choose the safe option: Let my angry side win... only for some time. Until I deal with all these feelings I have.

Very soon I'll be ready for this new, wonderful, and terrifying love. Until then, better be ready for a rough ride, Ron. You've earned it!

Angry, furious, and utterly in love.

Hermione.

(...)

Some years later...

We are sitting on our couch, in front of the fireplace. You drop the last letter on your lap.

I push your shoulder slightly with my own. "So, what do you think?"

You frown thoughtfully. "Well... The soaked part was glorious!".

Always so cheeky! I push you again. Harder. "Ron, seriously!"

You turn to face me, and I can tell you are serious now. "Hermione... I never knew I had hurt you so fucking much! I'm so really sorry!... And not only for leaving you in the tent, but for Lavender, for the Yule Ball, for..."

I put my fingers on your lips.

I don't need apologies. I only wanted to share this part of me with you. No lies, no secrets between us anymore. Later we will talk about the letters. Now, I realise that I have something much more important to say to you.

"I hurt you too, Ron. I'm so sorry for not stopping the row, for the canaries, for Krum, and for so many things!... But you know what? Actually, I'm not sorry at all."

"So. You aren't sorry... at all?" You sound more curious than surprised.

I get to the important part. "Not at all. Krum, Lavender, the Yule Ball, the Slug Club, and all the rest, were only the bumps in the road we had to travel to reach this moment... Do you want to know what I really think?"

You raise an eyebrow. "Do I want...?"

"Of course you want." I roll my eyes for effect. "If we had begun our relationship in the fourth, or sixth year, or any of these -missed opportunities- we had, it would have been a total disaster! We weren't near mature enough for a serious relationship back then... Don't you think?" I look at you waiting.

I have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. You look as if McGonagall has given you a pop quiz.

You spoke carefully. You know this is important to me, and you are trying so hard to be considerate, to say the right thing. I love you so much. "So, you say we needed Krum and Lavender, and the tent, and the locket, and the cup, and all the rest, to mature and be ready for our love to... flourish?" You even use polished words!

"Well. It's obvious... Isn't it?" I say with a satisfied smile.

This time you're the one rolling your eyes. "Oh, poor the lad who wed a fair lady far more enlightened than himself!"

Oh! Now, you try to use old fancy words with me, eh? Two can play at that game!

I put my arms around your neck, my lips gently brushing against yours. "Oh, miserous the maidekin ho binden a vertuous lede mare witti than heoself!"

You give me a playful little peck. "I can't win, eh?"

"Never. And now snog me properly!"


End file.
